Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
