sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
