Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
