i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
