well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
