nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
