Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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