never play flip cup with pint glasses
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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