So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dear god my vagina.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
