apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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