They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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