She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
