I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
