I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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