come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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