I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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