u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
