Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
