I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Can Purell be used as lube?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
