I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
