So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
