my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
