Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
