Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
