No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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