you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
