I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
