if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have already put on my inside pants.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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