Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
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and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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