I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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