I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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