Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
