So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
