Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
