you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
