Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
