franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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