Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
