My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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