so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
