Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
