Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
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I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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