This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
