An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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