im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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