do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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