She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
