Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
