oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
