I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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