One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
