Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
