I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
