I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
