I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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