My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
