Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
