anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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